“Poor unattractive girls; they're just cannon fodder.”
Ben Blake “That's why girls go away to college: so people can't see their moms.”
Mr. Ben Blake “I really think there are more attractive girls than ugly ones; I just can't believe that half of the population is unfit for reproduction.”
Ben Blake, nice guy “Drink, a lot. You'd be surprised how many problems that's the answer to.”
Bitter Crack Baby Billy: Okay, I'll stop bitching about women. That's all I ever do.
Ramsey: I would, too, if I were you. “It's times like this that I'm glad all my sisters are ugly.”
James Hendricks, on incest “Is this another 'get James laid' fund?”
James Hendricks “The thing is, you don't look at her personality.”
David Silverman, on women and dating “You don't have to collect porn...it's all on the internet!”
James, on online life “So, David tells me you're coming to Baycon. Well, actually, he says the only reason you might not be able to make it is if for some reason a few unnamed friends of yours for some reason didn't like an answer you gave to an invitation and broke both your kneecaps, cut off your fingers one-by-one, held a candle to your toes, made you sleep with Karin, and slapped you around a little. Just checking.”
Chris Lambert “No contest to the charge that kissing an actual living girl is not my favorite boy-girl thing to do. It's not a squeamishness issue, has nothing to do with the fact, noted somewhere, that kissing someone is actually sucking on a long tube the other end of which is full of excrement.”
The Cube “Nothing is better than ass. Wait...that came out wrong...”
Ben Shakal, on taking Lani down from the wall “Yen, you know everything about about sexual health, but it's all theoretical. I don't see guys lining up at your door.”
Kelly “If he comes up to you and gets pissed at you, all that means is that he's threatened. As he should be.”
David Silverman, on competition for a girl “You just watched it for the articles, right?”
David Southwick, on hearing Billy talk about "Blind Date Extreme" “I've come to a conclusion: chicks are stupid.”
Lance, onto something David: You know, I heard that by the age of 25, most people have still spent more time vomiting than having sex.
Paul: Well, there was that food-poisoning incident. Too honest “I'm full of good plans and shitty executions.”
Chris Lambert, so true “In many ways, my website is a nice little testament to my raging alcoholism. It's nice to have it public for all the world to see!”
Billy “It's pretty easy to find someone you really get along with, but it's really hard to make $200,000.”
Chris's boss's boss, on girlfriends and life insurance “The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?!? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, go collect all your super, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm! Amen.”
George Costanza, Seinfeld “What a day, eh Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding...”
Bart
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