“There's nothing wrong with admiring God's creation...as it rubs against you.”
Billy, on freaking “Save the gerbils. Ban homosexuality.”
Stupid Christian guy's shirt in Sproul Plaza “Bed, [b.ed'], n.
1. That place where your girlfriend sleeps [see sleep, n.]; 2. That place where you wish your girlfriend slept.” Chris Lambert Billy: In retrospect, I should have realized that there was no light in the room besides the monitor.
Chris: That would require a brain. Billy: Fuck you. Chris: That would require a dick. “Well, I guess you could say I'm going straight t--... hey, a hole is opening up in the ground. There's a lot of smoke, fire... a voice beckons me: 'Chris, Chris... join us...' Hmm. I hesitate. 'Free sex...' it continues. I jump in.
@%@!!&U###### NO CARRIER” Chris Lambert “You know... when you have a character to act, like a nice little Dwarf or something, and some punkass kid throws his slushy at you and you run him down and impale him on one of the happiest signposts on earth. Blowing the character.”
Chris Lambert, explaining the meaning of "Blowing the Character" to Billy “Fucking 'A, shut up! I'm being poetic!”
Jason Schachat, rather drunk “I'm going to get some sleep. If you need anything, feel free to fuck off.”
Chris Lambert “I bet you that if I were a woman, I'd have big tits.”
Billy “It must really suck to get the huge, lard-ass gene.”
Billy “Just be a jerk and you'll get head.”
Nikki, on the wonders of dating “The only way I could be getting less is if I sprained a wrist.”
James Hendricks “Oh, there's no romance involved. We already had sex this afternoon.”
Bodi, man of passion “Drink 'til she's cute but stop before the wedding.”
Bumper Sticker “Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Load Back!”
Seen on a septic tank service truck “Even a fucking pitcher can hit a double!”
David Silverman, on advancing in relationships “You were born with a dick for a reason--think with it!”
David Silverman, on being physically aggressive in relationships “Fuck! Ben doesn't get laid and I see Karen more. It's the worst of both worlds!”
James, on Karen's moving out “This is Berkeley--everything's curved. Except the girls.”
James, not bitter at all “So that's the bed that gets no action.”
David Silverman, on entering Billy's room “I'm either charming or a fucking sleazeball. I haven't quite figured it out.”
Billy, introspective “Women burn an average of 27 calories during an orgasm. Faking an orgasm burns 160 calories. I've been helping women lose weight!”
online Jeff: Those old Dan Marino ads: 'Isotoner gloves: Take care of the hands that take care of you.'
Billy: Well, it's not like I'm getting a girlfriend any time soon. on Billy's new gloves “You've got to position the chopsticks like the legs of a woman; they've gotta be open. Closed is no good.”
Mark, Miyake's waiter “PMS: the one time of the month the woman has an excuse for being a bitch.”
Billy “Gimme a sip of that shit!”
David's Mom, referring to Karl “If a giant ass had arms and legs, that would be me right now.”
David, on his Miyake's hangover “For a while, I was 'no sex until marriage.' Then I became 'no sex until love.' Now I'm 'no sex until opportunity.'”
Billy, on personal ethics
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